


Southern Definition of Perfect

by writingsoul



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: All mercs briefly mentioned, Cute team time and sillies, Cutesy, F/M, First Dates, Friends to Lovers, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Character(s), brief mention of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingsoul/pseuds/writingsoul
Summary: Fulfilling a prompt for the one and only Scrapnick! The original character of June (the Innovator) belongs to her, as well as the first date gone pear-shaped prompt. Please make sure to check out her amazing work at scrapnick on tumblr.Info on the OC: https://scrapnick.tumblr.com/post/616838573061259264/ref-sheet-for-my-tf2-ocself-insert-female-28Expiration date extravaganza. I need to work on tags.When you are facing a giant yeast monster there's nowhere to run from your feelings. June asks Dell out. Dell has to impress June. The team helps. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: RED Engineer/Original Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. I think I really like you!

Southwestern June  
by Charles Badger Clark

Lazy little hawse, it's noon  
And we've wasted saddle leather,  
But the mornin's slip so soon  
When we drift around together  
In this lazy, shinin' weather,  
Sunny, easy-goin' June.

Who kin study shamblin' herds,  
How they calve or die or wander,  
When the bridegroom mockin'-birds,  
Singin' here and there and yonder,  
Trill that June's too bright to ponder  
And life's just too fine for words!

Three days. Seventy-two hours left to live, breathe, think and feel. 259200 precious seconds left to say the words you never found the strength to say. Time was running out painfully fast.  
Gentlemen, synchronise your death watches.  
So, that's it then. They're filled with tumors and their demise is inevitable. Lovely. Spy's fruitless attempts to bond with the team led to father-son bonding with Scout. Soldier and Demo are teleporting bread for the hell of it, while Medic is doing the same for science. Engineer, Innovator, Heavy and Pyro took shelter in the workshop, the Russian keeping Pyro busy by reading old fairytales, and the other two reminiscing on their creations. God only knows what Sniper was up to.

"...and then the bowling ball lands on the other end of the board, sending the toast flying, and if my calculations are correct, which they are... the toast lands butter side down! Ha!" The Innovator triumphantly slapped her hands together and looked at Engineer, awaiting feedback. The man was too busy laughing.  
"Heh, nice goin', June-racoon," he chuckled, once recovered, and removed the protective goggles to wipe at his eyes. Oddly beautiful, clear blue eyes. "Very cute. Bet you can't compete with this, though." He rolled out his latest blueprint on the workbench, the smell of Prussian Blue pigment still on the paper. "This lil' beauty is the Rancho Relaxo," his voice rung with pride. June studied the schematics, brows steadily raising in confusion.  
"Engie, you know that chaise lounges exist, right?"  
"That they do, but this here contraption assembles itself. And it has beer. In the middle of battle! Whaddya say to that?"  
"I say it's all good and fun, but how 'bout you let me fix a bazooka to it? You know, to kill BLU's one more time before we die?" the Innovator chuckled and playfully elbowed Engineer in the side, her laugh a tad bitter.  
A smile graced Engie's soft features, crow's feet pooling at his eyes, betraying his age and tiredness. "Darlin', even when we're about to die you keep tryin' my patience." He rolled the blueprint back up, handling it like a newborn. "Shame I won't get to build this baby."

If there's one thing Junie had to admit to like, it would be all the times Engineer called her "darlin". It felt like the tenderness with which the word rolled off the Texan's tongue was reserved only for one particular girl, and it brought a flush to that girl's face every time. Dale was like a slice of southern sunshine, like a jar of homemade plum jam sent straight from Bee Cave, perfect to spread on warm toast one lazy Sunday morning, while the coffee is brewing.  
Come on, Junie, it's now or never. Literally.  
"Can I tell you a secret, Dell?"  
Engineer's ears perked up. He may be a man of practical problems, but he wasn't oblivious to the gentle tone that cradled his name and that meaningful little thing the girl did when she pushed her crazy chestnut hair behind her ear. This was going to be good.  
"Well, now. Lay it on me, sweetheart." He leaned on the workbench, looking up at June, who didn't meet his gaze. "Promise to take it to the grave," he nudged his teammate.  
Junie rubbed her neck, finding the scraps bin in the corner particularly interesting to look at. "It's about time I got this off my chest. Since we're going to die, and stuff. I think...I like-"

"Dell, June, stop fooling around and help! Ve have a problem!" The workshop door slammed open to reveal a dishevelled Medic. He looked around sternly until his eyes met Heavy's.  
"Oh, Heavy... Hello to you as vell." A hint of blush tinted Medic's pale cheeks and he hastily focused on fixing his tie. He would never tell though.  
No one said anything for a moment, and no one knew that Pyro felt bad for the little unicorns perched on the workbench, who ceased their play and sat there quiet, scared by the tension in the room.  
It didn't stay quiet for long, though. A monstrous roar shook the workshop and its inhabitants with the force of a hefty earthquake. June instinctively grabbed hold of Dell's arm, feeling the anxiously taut bicep.  
"Is that the problem?" she asked.  
"Jawohl! Now go!" Medic responded, already halfway out the door, Heavy and Pyro following right behind. Engineer made a disgruntled sound as he grabbed his toolbox and Frontier Justice. June watched him leave and sighed. She'll tell him when she sees him on the other side, and she'll be ready.

But she wasn't ready for what was waiting for RED outside. A loaf of bread, a hundred times the size of normal and of very aggressive character was about to swallow Scout whole when the rest of the team showed up. The loaf was armed with a set of sharp crooked teeth; thick seaweed-like tentacles stuck out its sides and luminous green tumours protruded from the crust. The saliva dripping from the monster's mouth left burnt patches in the sere grass.  
Sniper made a warning shot and the bread forcefully slammed one of the tentacles next to the man, missing the mark but still nearly knocking him off his feet. It was blind.  
"I TELEPORTED BREEEEAD!" Soldier roared, rocket jumping straight into the creature's mouth, a go signal for the rest. Demoman's sticky bomb went, blowing off one of the tentacles, which swiftly fell and almost crushed June. The Innovator yelped, ducking and rolling behind supply boxes for cover. She bumped into something soft and turned to engage in deadly combat only to come face to face with Engie.  
"Easy there, girl! It's just me!" he barely dodged a swing of the infamous LBRD-3000 (Lawnmower Blade Rifle of Doom).  
"Right, sorry." June relaxed a bit, feeling safer in Dale's presence. "Would be awkward if I killed ya, huh?" she leaned back against the box, aware of how close the battle sounds were.  
"Now that would just be plain rude. I still have 10 minutes to live!" Engie joked. "You aight there, sugar?"  
A trickle of hot blood wend down June's temple and she wiped at it haphazardly. Just like that, southern hospitality had found its way into her heart and nested there, tugging at the strings at every "sweetheart" and "pretty lady" sent her way. Now or never.  
"Shame we won't build stuff together anymore, huh?" she said, gripping her rifle tighter.  
"Ain't that the truth. You, know, I'll miss you buggin' me for metal on the battlefield," Engie replied and peered out from behind the box to shoot at the bread. The pastry disaster roared and wailed, throwing slimy tentacles about and being a nuisance to everyone. The sheer ignorance. People are trying to set things straight here! You'd think that for someone with this amount of culture the loaf would be more considerate.  
"Yeah, me too. I think I really like you!" Wrap your practical mind around that, pardner!  
Another roar shook the ground.  
"Well, I'll see ya in hell, handsome!" June said, just in time before another tentacle came down on the barricade, raising clouds of dust and separating the two teammates. Out the corner of her eye June noticed Miss Pauling motioning to her to get behind the blast doors before the Danger Bomb™ detonated. June paid no mind to it, launching at the monster, stabbing the blades of the rifle in the soft, starchy flesh. Neon green, no doubt toxic liquid oozed out of the cuts. If June was going down, she was going to do it in style. In the creature's mouth she saw Soldier, trying to dig his way out with the trusty shovel.  
"Come on maggot, I need some help!" June heard before darkness enveloped everything.

She came to after what felt like forever, in the safety of the infirmary with Medic fussing over her. The warm red glow of the medigun floated around the bed.  
"Whoa...I'm not dead?" she asked, her voice dry and croaky.  
"No, meine Freundin, we're not filled with tumours after all! You did almost get blown up though, " Medic cooed, directing his attention to a small cough at the door. "Ah, right. You have a visitor. A very impatient one at that," the German scoffed and turned away to tend to some papers.  
"Howdy, sleeping beauty." Oh. No. June pretended to be dead, but alas, the visitor waited for a response.  
"Dell!" she felt the tips of her ears becoming insidiously pink. "Glad you're alive."  
"Yeah...Look, I know it's probably not the best time to talk about it," Engie rubbed the back of his neck, giving himself some time, "but this whole ordeal has made me appreciate life. And I ain't wanna waste time."  
June watch the man become progressively more flustered, not knowing where to put his hands, until he finally decided to place his real, fleshy hand on June's. Its warmth was intoxicating.  
"What I'm sayin' is...I never had the time to tell you my secret. Ain't fair when you've told me yours." There was a cheeky little glint in his eyes now.  
"Dell..."  
"I like you too, Junie." Engie smiled a little in relief, now that it was out.  
In the distance, a pen fell to the floor with a clack and was hastily picked up.  
"Whew...Alright, fella, what am I to do with you now, standing there all handsome!" June laughed heartily, giving the man's hand a squeeze.  
"How's a date sound, darlin'?"  
"You better wear your nice shirt, cowboy."


	2. I require assistance!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celebrating the month of June with finally continuing my work on June! Once again, check out June's creator at scrapnick on tumblr! Enjoy!

"Tell her that she's soft! No, round! No, soft!"

"Come on man, any good date involves a bucket a' chicken! Works every time!"

"Hudda hudda hu!"

"Compliment her bone structure! No, vait, zat's how I lost my medical license..."

Engie covered his ears, pulling the bright orange helmet further and further over his face. Love was in the air, and it was driving the mercs crazy.

"Come on, fellas, I need some actually good advice!" he cried out. "It's been a while since I've gone on a date," Dell rubbed the bridge of his nose with his ungloved hand. "I don't wanna screw this up, okay?"

The men simmered down, ideas audibly brewing in their heads. After a little while Soldier went first. 

"Private, you need to take her to the ribs place in town. Scout is right, everyone knows that the way to a true American woman's heart is through her stomach!" Soldier pounded his chest, indicating where the true American's heart should be. 

"Soldier, she's not... Nevermind. " The helmet was placed on the table and Dell scratched his now exposed buzz cut. Could his friends really help him?

"Boys, I want to make it romantic. Sorry, but ribs just don't cut it." Engie turned to Spy, a desperate look in his eyes. The Frenchman did not return the sentiment. 

"You want advice, laborer? Don't get yourself involved with that woman. She has a pet dragon."

"Caramel likes me! And she ain't a damn dragon. Haven't seen her breathe fire, yet." Dell frowned. Spy clearly didn't want to share any more of his expertise after helping Scout questionably score a date. That's a problem. Suddenly, a shadow in the corner grumbled.

"Take her stargazing, mate. Sheilas dig that." Sniper was clearly proud of his input, as he stretched his long limbs with a pleasant groan.

"Hey, that might actually be a good... Wait, did you really just say _sheilas dig that_? You old dog!" 

The rec room blew up with laughter. Amidst the fun Demoman was struck with an idea.

"Lads, lads! No one has tae go anywhere! We'll decorate this very room all pretty, set the mood an' everythin'. Lassies love _the mood._ "

"The mood?" Engineer look at him, eyebrow quirked in slight confusion. "Like, a good mood? That I can do." 

"No, ya daftie, The Mood," Demoman vaguely waved his arms about in attempt to get the message across. "Rose petals, smelly candles, all that." Dell smiled.

And thus, the game of love was on. The time of the Date was set to be a ceasefire Saturday night. Scout, Soldier and Demo set to raiding the town's gift shops for props, Pyro was in charge of distracting June, Heavy and Medic cleaned and moved furniture, and Dell took the quest to the showers. Sniper retired to his van with a promise of "the best bloody surprise" while Spy took his fifth smoke break. 

The evening was nearing, and the door of the rec room remained all but welded shut for the last preparations under Demo's strict creative supervision. 

In her room, June evaluated herself in the mirror. She finally had the chance to sport one of her favourites: a brick orange polka-dotted skirt complete by a petticoat, paired with a pale mustard blouse. Simple black pumps pulled the look together. Junie smiled at herself and did a twirl; she felt so giddy about tonight that even her flyaways complied and agreed to be slicked down.

"Come on old boy, pull yourself together. You've done this before." Dell was in fact wearing his nice shirt, a true Texan's checked shirt. He tucked it into the waistband of his Sunday best light blue jeans, then untucked it, then tucked it again. The choices were driving him mad. Having decided on the tucked in look and pulling on his cow leather Chelsea boots he was so preoccupied with his thoughts that a quick knock almost threw him off balance.

"Did ya die in there, Dell?" a jolly voice rung from behind the door.

"Nope!" Engie scrambled to the door, one foot still bare. "Seems like you're dyin' to see me!" he shouted in response. _Well, I'm-a-comin', lady!_

"I'll catch you downstairs, lover boy!" the click-clack of the heels drifted away. 

When Dell made it down the stairs, he saw Junie, absolutely striking and bent over laughing, but his own smile quickly faded. 

The rec room was adequately terrifying.


	3. Make it right under the moonlight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's happening, oh my god it's happening!" - Scout  
> I hope you enjoyed this absolutely adorable thing, I almost feel bad about finishing it, but there is more to come...  
> Also I just had to include the rodeo joke in this one

The entire rainbow was represented in balloons scattered across the floor. The walls were assaulted with a variety of novelty banners ( _Just married!_ plastered to the wall with duct tape) and American flags. Jars of salvaged radioactive bread species were used as illumination, and on the table, a single cupcake with a lit candle stabbed into it completed the eldritch romance setting.

June snorted, trying to recover from her laughing fit. "Is this a birthday or a funeral?" 

Dell wasn't sure. He expected anything from his friends, but not this. He shuffled from foot to foot, taking the surroundings in. When that didn't work, he directed his attention to June.

"I say, you're lookin' mighty fine tonight, miss," he reached for her hand and theatrically pressed his lips to it.

"Aw, you're not so bad yourself, cap'n!" June laughed, her face flushed just a little. 

She motioned Dell to sit at the table and they stared at the lone cupcake for a moment.

"I could cook up somethin' better quick-," Engie was about to rush to the cooker, but a gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Dell, don't worry about it," June smiled, wondering if the man in front of her could get any cuter. "Honestly, I'm fine!" she put up her hands in a joking protest.

The honor of blowing out the candle was given to June, and a wish that they both had in mind was made. They spent some time studying the lines and specks on each other's faces, not quite daring to meet each other's eyes.

"So," June coughed, getting back on track, "tell me about yourself, handsome." 

Engineer suddenly couldn't remember his name. 

"Well, not to brag, but you're lookin' at the official 1950 Bee Cave Mad Rodeo from Hell champion." Out of all the things he could say, why did he have to say _that_? 

"Prove that to me later?"

If Dell had a drink right now, it would surely come out his nose. Instead, he momentarily lost the ability to breathe.

Sometimes June spoke before thinking. And then the realisation hit her. Her eyes darted around in search of a distraction, and she thanked the heavens when she found it. "Oh hey, there's a note for you." She passed the piece of paper to Engie. 

_Look into the fridge, you daft c*nt xx._ Oh, Demo.

Opening the fridge door, Engineer didn't know which way to make this date even worse was waiting for him there. In the back of his head he wished for a bomb to go off so it could end his embarrassment. To his surprise, the fridge contained a suspiciously normal bottle of Bundaberg Rum, courtesy of Sniper _. I owe you one, Legs_. 

Dell was making his way back to the table when one of the balloons treacherously got in the way, tripping the man.He went down with the grace of a potato sack, saving the bottle from breaking, but knocking the air out of himself in the process. When he eventually got his bearings, he realised that this date could in fact get _even_ _worse._

His fall resulted in a domino effect, the hazardous jars knocking one another down and setting the remainder of the mutant bread free. 

"What the hell? I thought this was supposed to be a normal date!" Junie burst into laughter, helping Engie up and ducking from the loose demon buns.

"Aw, I'm sorry, darlin'. It was supposed to be normal," he paused, shaking an angry croissant off his leg, "out here normal is a whole different concept." 

After deciding to leave cleanup to the culprits, the pair escaped with the booze. 

_Meanwhile, in the intel room_.

"Demo, look what you've done!"

"Oh my god, oh my god, they're leavin' man!" 

The nervous hubbub drowned out the sounds coming from the rec room. Six stern faces and one very stern-looking gas mask turned to Demo, who monitored the camera feed. 

"It's nae my fault he doesnae look where he's goin"!", the Scotsman yelled defensively. "I can walk better when I'm drunk!"

Heavy placed a big reassuring hand on Demo's shoulder.

"Demoman did good. It's up to them now." 

Outside, settled on a wooden porch, the two drank and chatted. They talked about life before war, about home and family, likes and pet peeves, the nitty gritty of the Life Extender and how one time Scout's modified Force-a-Nature blew up in his face, twice...Time passed and the sky got darker and darker, glimpses of stars peeking through. 

"Would you look at that...Clear skies, just like back home. No light pollution or nothin'." Engineer took another swig straight from the bottle, a taste of burnt caramel on his tongue. 

"I know right! I'm pretty sure you can see Mars if you squint hard enough." June cackled and pretended to make a telescope out of her hands.

But Engie didn't want to see Mars. All he wanted to look at was June. She was so beautiful. Her round face, caressed by the moonlight, framed by soft hair. Her bare narrow shoulders, kissed by rough New Mexico sun. Small hands fiddling with the dress that just so happened to outline the ample curve of her hip. She was looking away from him, up, at the Milky Way, at the myriads of clear stars burning with cold fire. Something burned in Dale's chest too.

"Junie..."

_Kiss her, you fool!_

But before he could, he felt soft lips on his own. Drunkenly, awkwardly, he pulled June closer, his real hand burying into her hair and the Gunslinger gently on the small of her back. He smiled into the kiss, and so did she until their teeth clicked and they broke away, laughing heartily. They didn't stay apart for long and came together for a deeper, more aware kiss. 

From the roof of his camper Sniper could see two dark little silhouettes in the distance bring their heads together. He rolled over on his back, looking at the clear night sky, and noticed that, for some reason, the stars shone brighter. 

**Author's Note:**

> workin on something new...


End file.
